


You Hold My Heart In Your Hands

by 1adyDebonair



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Neck Kissing, Simon Snow - Freeform, SnowBaz, basilton pitch - Freeform, carry on, rainbow rowell, vampire irony
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-01 01:04:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11475360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1adyDebonair/pseuds/1adyDebonair
Summary: Ah, Simon, you need to try harder than that to get the last word.Good thing you've got eternity to try.((Slice-Of-Life fic, with action, romance, and lots of love. ))





	1. Cloves

**Baz**

It’s never easy to love Simon Snow. It’s a struggle, every day. But that’s not to say he’s not worth it. Most days I find myself holding his hand, and he stares off into space, curly hair a few days unwashed. I know it’s hard for him. I know. The universe hasn’t exactly been too kind to Simon. Maybe I should snap at him just to get his mind off his own misfortune. But I know that’s not what he needs right now. 

I rolled my shoulders, trying to shake off the tension of the day. College wasn’t truly very hard, just sometimes annoying. I blew a few strands of hair out of my eyes and unlocked the door. 

It was quiet, like usual. Penny must be out. I frowned. Usually we never left Simon alone for too long; it was Penny’s and my unspoken agreement. And she left Simon alone without even a text to me telling me of such…

My ears caught the sound of faint, running water. I sighed in relief. He was taking a shower. Finally. And on his own, too…

Simon had been torn apart after the fight with the Humdrum. He became...weak, I suppose, is the right word. Not weak as in he lost his strength, but as in he lost his place. He lost sight of what he wanted (though I’m not entirely convinced he had any idea of what he wanted before the fight) and now, Penny and I are just trying to get him back to himself. We try not to overload him with too many activities, trying to leave him alone, but not too alone. 

But it’s hard. It’s hard to watch. Hard to watch him be silent for hours on end, lost in his thoughts, clinging to my hand as if I’m the only thing that’s alive in the room. Hard to watch his eyes light up when I do a spell to close the curtains, and hear his sigh. Hard to watch him, day after day, not smile. 

He’s been doing better, I remind myself, squeezing my eyes shut once, and then opening them. He’s been talking more. Just yesterday, Simon smiled five times at me. He’s healing, just slowly. 

I nodded to myself, and hung my jacket up on the coatrack. The shower was still going, and I smirked. What would Simon do if I just opened the door? I imagined the embarrassed scolding he would no doubt throw at me, and it made me laugh. I admit it entertained me more than it should have, and so I opened the bathroom door. 

I blinked. 

I expected to see Simon in the shower, but…

He was sitting in the bath, covered in soapy bubbles, while the showerhead rained on him from above, the perfect combination of both a shower and a bath.

“Baz!” Simon sputtered out, throwing a loofah at me. 

I dodged the fluffy blue thing easily enough, not trying at all to contain my laughter. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” I snickered, “So I guess you couldn’t decide whether to take a bath or a shower, so you picked both. Hm, good problem solving skills, Snow, I’ll give you that.”

Simon growled at me, looking entirely unimpressive with his head a mountain of bubbles. How ridiculous. My lips quirked up into a smirk at his blush. 

“S-Shut up, and get out!” He looked away, biting his lip. 

Oh, how I wanted to bite that lip. 

“It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked, Snow.” I rolled my eyes. “But as you wish. I’ll be on the couch.”

“Isn’t today the day you go hunting? Why are you here?” He asked before I had a chance to slip out the door. I paused. He was a bit more perceptive than I gave him credit for sometimes. 

“I’ll go much later.” I improvised offhandedly. “Besides, maybe I wanted to annoy you a bit more.” I flashed him a cheeky grin and ghosted out before he could splash me. 

**Simon**

Was that Baz’s way of saying he missed me?

Water ran down my back from the showerhead as my thoughts ran around my head aimlessly, just a mixture of words that I couldn’t quite focus on nor put together.  I suppose it did look a bit ridiculous, the shower going while the bubble bath hid my body. But I didn’t care. I felt warm.

I closed my eyes. I tried to ground myself like my therapist taught me, but I couldn’t focus enough to count to ten, to think of the things around me, or whatever it was she said to do. Be in the here and now, she had said. Don’t linger in yesterday. It has nothing to offer you anymore. 

I let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding. I turned off the water, fumbling with the knobs a bit. While I was getting dressed, my mind wandered to a familiar place; Baz. My boyfriend. I thought about how he always kisses my palms at night, though I don’t really know why. I had asked Penny about it, and she smiled at that. 

“Many kisses mean different things, Simon.” She grinned, holding up her hand. “To kiss someone’s hands means that they hold their heart in their hands.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I stayed quiet. 

I hold Baz’s heart in my hands? But...I’m nothing special, nothing magical. Maybe I used to be, but not anymore. 

“Have you any chopsticks, Snow?” Baz’s voice brought me out of my memories. 

I finished throwing on my jumper and walked into the kitchen, shrugging. “Pretty sure we don’t, unless Penny has some…” I let the thought trail off, and went behind Baz, weaving my arms around his waist. He hummed, and leaned into me for a moment. 

“You’re not usually this affectionate.” He murmured, gently breaking out of my hold. I felt myself pouting. “Come now, have you eaten anything today? I’ll share my sushi.”

I let him guide me to the sofa, where the package of food sat. 

“Baz, you coated it in that green shit.” I complained. 

That made him smile. “It’s called wasabi, idiot. Just scrape it off, it’s fine.”

I ignored him and moved closer, resting my head on his chest. Ah...much better.

**Baz**

Simon leaned up before I could protest something about not being his human bed, and kissed me softly. Aleister Crowley, I will never get over Simon Snow’s kisses. The way he moved his lips felt like silk. His fingers moved to my hair, taking in the strands and pulling me closer. I almost smiled; he can be so pushy. Just because he’s Simon Snow, of course, he’s going to get whatever he wants. 

And if it’s me he wants, I’m happy to give him my all.

**Simon**

I never want to let go of him. He can coax the cold right out of me. Kiss me, Baz, kiss me hard.

**Baz**

A sigh escaped my lips, and I made the mistake of breathing in his scent. My eyes opened wide, and I pulled back, my hand on Simon’s chest to push him back. My mouth begged for a bite, and my throat burned, ugh, such a sickening desire. 

My fangs were out, and I didn’t need to feel them to know that; Simon’s eyes flitted to my mouth, his gaze tightening every so slightly. 

It was a long pause. I didn’t quite know what to say. Him seeing my fangs was like being caught naked. Humiliating, and to be reminded of the fact that I am very much not human, no matter my pretense, no matter his stubborn claims, never failed to make me want to run, to snap at Simon and run off. The thing about Snow was that he smelled so….alive. So incredibly alive, this vitality that matched no one’s. 

I tried to shut my mouth, but my fangs make that very hard; I usually end up cutting my lips. 

“No.” I heard Simon murmur. I raised an eyebrow and looked down at him. 

“Don’t hide. Don’t hide them. There’s no reason to. You are who you are.” 

I snorted, and I’ll never, ever admit how much what he said meant to me. “Fine, just don’t try to kiss me again.” Damn, my voice was rough. I need to control my tone. And Simon was still staring at me. He does a lot of that, too. Intense staring. 

Of course, he didn’t listen to me at all. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. I narrowed my eyes, pushing him back with more force than I had before. 

“Simon Snow, you were always one to push your luck.” I growled, baring my fangs at him. 

He should know better.

**Simon**

I smiled without any humour. “You can’t push what you don’t have, Baz.” I mumbled. I hadn’t actually meant for the words to come out as sad as they did, but they struck Baz as if they had some sort of magic attached to them. His smokey eyes softened. 

“I...That’s not what I meant. Look, I don’t want to bite you, and when you smell this good-” He stopped when he looked at me. I wonder what my face was doing. I shrugged and started to eat his sushi. 

Baz stared at me for a minute, and then went to sit at the chair next to me, putting his face to rest on his hand and got a pack of cigarettes out with his other hand. I made a face, but I knew the reason. 

Sometimes Baz smoked to cover a scent; usually he would smoke when he was thirsty and around me, so that he couldn’t smell me as strongly. I assumed that was the case now. 

He held up his pointer finger, and like a lighter, a small ball of fire danced above his finger, lighting up the fag between his lips. The sweet scent of Djarum cloves filled the air. 

He exhaled, smoke dancing off his lips. The fangs were still there, white razours masquerading as canine teeth. His cheekbones were cut from a sword, the same one I own, probably. A strong jaw supports his beautiful face, one that he always clenched when he was getting angry-it was the only thing that ever gave him away when he was trying to be indifferent-but it was the shape of his eyes that made me smile. They were curved up, and if I didn’t know better, I’d pin them as Asian, but they weren’t too narrow--

His gaze flicked to mine. 

“Staring again.” He wasn’t asking me. 

“I like looking at you.” I said without shame. This was true, after all. 

“Can’t you be more subtle about it?”

“Does it make you uncomfortable?”

“Er…” I smiled triumphantly. I caught Baz off guard, which is rare. “I...guess not. I just suppose most normal people don’t gawk at others so entirely obviously as you do.” He flicked his cigarette over the tray. 

I laughed. “And what part of me ever claimed to be normal, even for a second?” 

“Oh, I know you’re not normal. What normal person kisses a vampire with his fangs extended? You’re much less brighter than the normal person.”

I pursed my lips. That was a low blow. “Well, you’re not too normal yourself, Mr. I-Push-People-Down-The-Stairs.”

He smirked, fangs resting on his lips. My god, he looked so devilishly hot. “And what part of me ever claimed to be normal, even for a second?” He threw my words back in my face cooly, knowing he won the game. 

I sulked while he blew smoke around. Damn. Will I ever outsmart him?

**Baz**

You’ll have to try harder than that to get the last word, Simon. 

Good thing you’ve got all eternity to try.

  
  



	2. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No storm without a lighthouse! Safe again soon!"

**Baz**

“For the last time, you’re not watching me hunt.” I snapped, finally fed up. Simon pouted, but I was past caring. Good. Let him pout all he wanted. 

“If this is because you’re scared of hurting me, well, I know you’d never do that.” He argued, taking a hold of my hand before I could leave his bed. 

“Maybe I should, so you’ll quit asking me.” I said, exasperated. “Why do you even want to watch me kill? What’s the point? What do you gain from it?”

Simon just shrugs. I narrowed my eyes. Half of his answers are shrugs. 

“It’s interesting.”

“Well, get used to disappointment.” A hysteric laugh bubbled in my chest. I was incredulous. Interesting, he says? Good god. I ran a hand through my silky hair, shaking my  head in disbelief. 

“If it’s a near death experience you’re craving, why don’t you go play in traffic?” I took my hand from his and turned my back to him, adjusting my button up. Lately Snow has been fixated on kissing my neck (not that I’m complaining in the slightest, of course) but he always made a mess of my clothes. Buttons popped, fabric wrinkled...bruises like mouth-made galaxies now frequented my collarbones and neck. 

“I’ll just follow you.” Simon warned, breaking the silence. I snorted. 

“I’m positively shaking in my shoes.” 

“I mean it, Baz. Why don’t you just let me watch?”

“Why the hell do you even want to watch?!”

“Because I’m interested in everything you do. Is that so bad?”

“It is when you confuse ‘interest’ with ‘obsession’.” I turned around, finally dressed. I could see him perfectly in the dark of night.  He looks ridiculous, sitting there with bedhead, his curls piled up on his head. I smiled despite myself. This idiot. I’m in love with a fucking idiot.

He got up, and I watched as he stumbled his way through the dark to me. He clung heavily to my waist, clumsy in his blindness. I rolled my eyes. 

“I could just spell you to stay here.” My voice was thoughtful. 

“That’s a dirty trick and you know it.” Simon mumbled, grabbing ahold of my hand. He really was cute, I noted, the freckles dotting his cheeks like a free expanse of stars…

“Snow, you wouldn’t be able to see anything anyway. It’s night. Which means it’s dark.” I shook him off. “I’ll be back in an hour, really.” Was he anxious for me to leave? I don’t know. It’s frustrating sometimes, when he doesn’t speak up. 

**Simon**

Well, looks like pouting is getting me nowhere tonight. 

I’m not really sure why I want to watch, either. Maybe it’s because I feel closer to him, knowing he’s okay, he’s safe. Maybe it’s because I’m tired of the mundanity, and willing to see something different. Something magical. 

I shrugged even though I know that pisses Baz off. 

“Just...be safe, okay?” I breathed, biting my lip. 

I couldn’t really see Baz’s face, but it looked like he softened, or as softened as someone made of ice can get. I always thought Baz was made of ice, as if someone bewitched him into an ice sculpture, but as the maker made the sculpture, they didn’t bother to smooth out the edges. That was Baz, all right. He was all angle. But, now he looked a tad melted. Least, his shoulders slumped forward a bit, and his eyes weren’t so harsh. 

“I promise, I’ll be safe,” Baz then grinned a bit, “An Englishman’s word is his bond.” He said this without magic, referencing the time him and I took an oath to be allies. 

I chuckled; of course I remembered. 

**Baz**

Before I went out to hunt, I walked to the mailbox at the edge of the road, before the sidewalks end. Simon rarely remembered to check it, and so there were always bills that were late, important documents that desperately needed to be addressed. After a while, I got tired of scrambling at the last minute to make sure Simon’s water wasn’t shut off, or the electricity wasn’t going to be shot, so I made myself in charge of his finances (at least until his mental state gets better). Penny helps, but with her away at school and work for long hours, in her tiredness, she forgets as well. 

Water under the bridge, I told myself, opening the squeaky door to the mailbox. There was the usual lot when I looked at it; electricity bills, water bills, all of it boring-

A small letter fell out of the stack that I held in my hands. 

My eyebrows scrunched together as I bent forward to retrieve it. 

There was nothing else written on the letter except for, “The Chosen One”.

My eyes widened. 

“The bloody hell could this be?” I mumbled, tearing open the letter swiftly. How strange. A letter titled as what Simon was?

_ Dearest Simon,  _

_ You must be adjusting rather nicely to human life by now. Or is it quite the opposite? Do the nightmares keep you up at night? Rightly, they should, indeed. That’s the least you should be worrying about, considering what’s in store for you, Simon Snow. Our last meeting ended far too quickly...Perhaps I will stop by soon. After all, I think the only fair price you have to pay is at the same cost of my sister’s. An eye for an eye. I’ll make sure you go blind. _

_ Sincerely, Nicodemus. _

I couldn’t remember how to breathe. My hands shook the crinkly paper, making the hastily scribbled words shimmer in the faint light. I had so many questions; how did Nicodemus get Simon’s address? What did he mean by, ‘an eye for an eye’? Was he talking about Ebb? What--

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I snatched it out, reading the message on it. 

_ Bunce: _

_ I’m in the flat--sorry, I got caught up in traffic, that’s why I didn’t text. Simon’s asleep, I’m making tea. S said you were hunting. Have fun! _

I growled sharply and shoved the letter into my back pocket. I swore to protect Simon, and I’ll do it with my life. But I had to make sure he was safe from me first, and so, although I know that Nicodemus could very well come this very time I’m away, I had to get my thirst under control before I did anything rash. I don’t want to hurt the person I want to protect. I sent Penny a quick text:

_ Watch everything until I get back. I need to talk to you asap. Protect Simon at all costs. I will be back in an hour. _

Turning back to the house, I took out my wand. A deep breathe echoed in my lungs, in my chest. I let the magic swirl inside me, lighting the figurative match. It quelled up inside me, and I roared, “ **No storm without a lighthouse! Safe again soon!** ”

The spell would only hold until I walked back into the flat, but that was enough. It was an older spell, one that made places guarded from everyone’s eyes until they returned. 

I would take no chances. I would make Simon Snow safe again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm the author of this fic, and I'd love it if you could comment on this! It seems I'm in a small fandom here...so if you like this, dear reader, please leave a comment so I feel motivated to update this fic! Thank you, lovlies. It's mostly going to be a slice-of-life fic, with some action, lots of kisses, and many snarky comments from Baz. I hope you like it!


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